Mental Eclipse!!!

how many times, how many times
should i carry this pain, that afflicted my heart from deep inside
should i try not thinking about something i would love to
should i act as if i'm really fine when i'm so far away from being anything close to it
should i stop those rush of tears, only to save myself from looking like an idiot
should i choose staring at vacant spaces and thin air to people and objects
should i heave out heavy breaths to subdue my fear and my anxiety
should i resist myself from leaving everything around me and start running to some place unknown
should i listen to those woeful lot of songs only to be more pathetic and hopeless
should i go around this world pretending that I still have faith in what's in store for me
should i spend those awful nights in bed doing nothing but brooding over everything that happened, both good and bad
should i keep looking for something that i very well know i would never find
should i keep worrying about losing something that i never had
should i keep tripping over every other block in the tunnel, searching for the light

how many times, how many times
there is something wrong; Either with me or with the world around me
why the heck this place doesn't seem to built for a person like me?
whose mistake is this? who should be blamed?
no trick works, no remedy applies, it seems rooted
or is it all illusion? is it just something delusive?
is it his creation or just my own assumption?


i don't know, i seriously don't know
i need the answers to these questions, to these troubled thoughts
i need some thing to happen; to keep my faith going
i need a hand that drives away all these fears, these stigmas surrounding me
i need a friendly chide that would bring me back to my normal senses
i need a shadow that would prove me that there, indeed, is light
i need a voice that sings in unison with that of mine
i need some comfort from the treacherous journeys of psychological trivia

i don't know what i wrote just now, neither do i intend to know
it's not a poem; neither is it, a prose; mental snapshots, if you would like to call so
i have these gravitative thoughts, growing high now and then, would go down low
trying to create some tides in the vast, otherwise still, futile pond of human intelligence
the shores have already given up the intention to meet the tides; they are sleeping
the moon needs to shine more brighter, they say in their dreams;
Luv